Dear Stay-At-Home-Moms

Dear Stay-At-Home-Moms

Dear Stay-At-Home-Moms,

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I owe you a giant apology for judging you, for being mean to you, and even for my thoughts.

I’m sorry for my pride. I thought, as a full-time-office-working-mom that I was more important, more achieved, and busier than you (SAHM). I wouldn’t have flat out said that to your face in those words at the time, but my thoughts and actions definitely played that out. For example, if I was driving to work and I would see a woman out walking her dog or running with her kid in the stroller I would think, “it must be nice to have so much free time and be able to spend your day doing whatever you want”. Or if my kid’s school would ask for parent volunteers or help I would think, “I better see all the SAHMs I know sign up first before I offer to help.” I’m sorry for being a prideful judging jerk. Will you forgive me?

I’m sorry for looking down on you. I’m sorry for my role in causing you to feel like “you’re just a mom” or when someone asks what you do for a living your response has been “I just stay home with my kids“. Man, I suck and I’m sorry for being a part of the problem and not the solution. Do you forgive me?

I want you to hear me, you are NOT “just” a mom. You do NOT “just” stay home with your kids. You are a working mom too. All moms work. I’m serious. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass. There is no scale measuring the amount of workload that each mother does or doesn’t do in a day, and I don’t know why we, yes myself included, are so obsessed with trying to measure one another. In the end there is NO trophy. No night at the Oscars for Motherhood, and there shouldn’t be. So why do we have to categorize one another and why do we shame ourselves for not measuring up to some invisible award?

You are a mother, like me, trying to raise a child or two and I want to support you not judge you. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to understand that. Do you forgive me?

I wish I could say I’m this super cool mom that realized this on my own but I didn’t. Honestly, that’s a good thing because remember my pride from before. God kindly asked me one day, “why do you think your time is more precious than your SAHM friend’s time?”. Busted.

I want you to know that not only am I so sorry for my role and how I’ve hurt you, but that I also want to do better. How can I help you? How can I support you? Please don’t feel bad for asking for help whether it’s big or small. The saying it takes a village is true, and it’s a good thing motherhood is made up of different types of moms. It’s good that some work in the office, some at the home, some part-time, and some side-hustlers. We all bring something to the village to offer. We all have a unique gift to support. Are you up for giving this village-motherhood-support-thing a try?

Please forgive me, and join me!

-Viv (formerly wanting to be called “a working mom“)

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Episode 01: Working Mom

Episode 01: Working Mom

Hey friends! Thanks for joining me today. There is so much I want to share with y’all about what this podcast is all about, so let’s jump in before my ADD kicks in and I run down a rabbit hole. 

I’m Vivian Knox, and I’ve been a career mom since the day my first child was born in 2011. Originally, I didn’t want to be a career mom, but because of student loan debt I needed to work at least part time until our debt was paid off. I’m extremely grateful that God provided me with the opportunity to keep the job that I had been working at before children and have the flexibility to cut back on my hours. 

Fast forward from 2011 to now, I’m a career mom with 2 children, Caleb and Mila. Over the course of 4 years, which is a season of what I like to refer to as “the Storm”, God changed my heart…slowly…and painfully …and I began to love being a working mom and pursuing a career. My heart had changed, and I was happy. My work family was a gift and my joy overflowed. My career experience was working in medical business management and I had been working with the same organization for almost 10 years.

Here’s where it’s going to get ugly and I’m embarrassed about it, but I need to be totally transparent with you. In January this past year, I was chatting with my friend and coworker, who is also a mom of 2 little kiddos and is actively pursuing a career.  And I was complaining. Shocker. I was sharing my frustrations that I had to volunteer for a PTA board member because apparently all the SAHM were just too busy. EEeekkk. Now you know what a Diva I think I am. Here’s the deal, our elementary school had 2 positions still open on the PTA Board and they had been posting for what seemed to be forever requesting volunteers. So I volunteered and offered my precious non-existent free time to serve. In that moment I felt like Katniss, a courageous volunteer as tribute. I imagined all the moms raising their hands at me in tribute fashion offering their respect of such a grand and noble gesture I had made, all the while I was giving the SAHMs the side eye. My coworker and I had a good laugh while we complained about how we felt it should be up to the SAHMs to volunteer and do all the things…because you know…they have so much more free time than us career moms. We can just write the check. And we also laughed at the thought of what the SAHMs thought or were saying about us career moms. 

I feel like going diarrhea just retelling this story…because I sound like such a B. Although it wasn’t until later that same day that God convicted me of how prideful and ridiculous I was being. Why do I think my time or calendar is more precious than a SAHM? Why is there such a divide amongst us moms? And the guilt of contributing to that spawned this vision and hope of what it might look like if moms, all moms, started to judge less and support more. So what, if we don’t sympathize or empathize with one another! We don’t have to! What we CAN do is listen. Hear each other out, and offer support. We don’t have to elevate ourselves to feel better…what if we pursued community over competition and support. Gosh, isn’t this what we should be doing in all the hot topics today? Race, Religion, and Politics. We can agree to disagree without being assholes about it. What would our world look like if we chose to listen to one another, and offered support and community instead of division and judgement?

And my motto on opinions is put your money where your mouth is, and your words into action, or just zip it, please. 😉 hahaha…put that on a coffee cup and t-shirt. hahaha

But really. In that moment I became passionate for change, and how could I be a part of that change. How can a silly, prideful, nobody career mom make a small impact for inclusion, kindness, community and support. 

And so Always Working Mom was born through conversations with friends, and the realization that all moms, whether SAHMs, career moms, side hustlers, or whatever…yes, ALL Moms are working moms. Let’s start a movement to encourage moms everywhere to stop competing, stop judging, and start supporting one another. 

For months now, I’ve sat and imaged what that would look like. Groups of neighbors and friends opening their friendship circles to include other moms that don’t look like them or work like them, and having this diverse friendship and support system. 

I hope that you’ll join me in this movement! Every week this season I’ll be hanging out with my friends from all walks of life and sharing their stories to encourage you and help you. From an entrepreneur mom and Shark Tank deal earner to a grandmother with sage advice, we will sit together in hopes of sparking a movement in your community. Please join us by subscribing to this podcast and asking your friends to join our online community through Instagram and Facebook to connect and create a support system in your community. Together, we can make a difference for the better. So what do you say, are you ready to join our movement? 

Listen Here to our Episode 01